When I retired from cricket thirty five years ago, an essential piece of protection for the male cricketer was “The Box”.  However when I took up the game again last year, and thought I should offer those ageing parts some protection, could I find a box in the sports stores? No.

Then I discovered the “Abdominal Protector”.

I thought we had done away with Victorian puritanical obscurantism.

It is generally acknowledged that a male has a penis and testicles, more commonly known as dick and balls. And it is also recognised that a cricket ball, coming into contact forcefully with these parts of a batsman, causes considerable discomfort if not pain ( and usually amusement to the surrounding fielders).

But these parts are not normally seen as part of the abdomen. Certainly, the “abdomen” is defined as “the part of the body containing the stomach, bowels, and reproductive organs”. However that is a considerable area. The box just aims to protect the last and lowest of the above mentioned parts of the anatomy.

So why mislead and call it an abdominal protector. If I get hit in the stomach, while wearing my abdominal protector, and incur a serious injury done to me in that region, will I have a case for suing  the manufacturer for not providing the defence the name implies?

Therefore is there a brave manufacturer out there who will name the box for what it is?  A protector of dicks and balls. The “Box” is common parlance. We need not be crude and call it a “Dick Defender”, a ” Cods Cover”, a “Balls Barrier”.  The Box will do me, but forget the Abdominal Protector.

At the very least, for those who wish to retain their refinement, please accept the name of  “The Genitalia Guard”.